Well I suppose this is my last blog: my final hurrah to my final hurrah. That is what Elon in LA has been for me. It is and end to an era. I am leaving LA. I am leaving Elon. And for a little while, I am leaving acting, though I know, like a faithful friend, it can never leave me.
I have learned so much being here. I have learned how to be an adult. And minus the whole affiar of being paid and paying for all of my own shmutzah, I have been ultimately self-sufficient. I know who I am. I am Megan Reeves – a quite confusing contradiction: drummer, surfer, cheese-lover, actor, biologist, cat-noise maker, native North Carolinian without a Southern accent. And I love all of it. Every insecurity has dropped away. I may not be the skinniest or the prettiest or the smartest, but I am me and that is more than good enough. And if I don’t like something, well then, it’s me…and I can change it.
Everything has been put into perspective. College is not the world. America is not the South. And I am much more interesting than I thought I was….not to sound conceited or anything….but people are actually interested to know me: that’s kind of a new realization. I am so much more solid in introducing myself to total stragers – I do it at least 5 times a day. I even like my name now. I used to hate it. It sounded weird coming out of my own mouth, as if it weren’t my own. And now I own it. Totally and completely.
LA has made me my own. Whatever that may mean. Good and bad.
But I am not ready to leave.
This is my home. I have settled here, of all places, and started growing roots. I have made invaluable connections that I never want to break. I love surfing. I want to do it every day. I want to move to Venice. I want to get a real job. I want to be 23 years old. But I am not.
I am going back to North Carolina to a different school to finish a different degree. And I am SO excited about it, but so frightened – just as I was to come here. Maybe I get too attached to things, to people, to experiences, but how else am i supposed to experience life??? Being completely open to life and all that it has to offer is hard…it allows you to be hurt…but it is the only way to live. Never do I want to be one of those closed-off, bottled-up, shells-of-a-person going from day to day without any joy in their lives. That is what I really want. That is all I need from this life. Happiness. And whatever makes me happy (so far: cheese, surfing, gay men, acoustic guitars, bubbles, and cutting up dead people, and LA) will be here to stay.
And for some other things that make me happy:
Mister Jeff Buckley, who’s, sadly, dead…
Very hungry LOL cats…
Salvador Dalhi and all cats!
And rhyming. Wow. Delerium HAS set in, ladies and gents.