On this day, in the year of our lord 1777, arguably the greatest event in the history of mankind occured: Umami Burger was founded. This restaurant takes nourishment to the next level providing fantastic food with epic proportions. This establishment is truly a spectacle of modern science providing the perfect atmosphere, bubbly service, and true American food. I’d like to propose a toast to Georgio Umami who after losing his right eye in the revolutionary war and having all his limbs replaced with pegs founded Umani Burger in honor of the 4 brothers he lost fighting the British. In honor of this event, I decided to eat at Umami Burger and highly recommend it to anyone reading this.
**the above information is entirely true. Only the names, dates, and events have been changed.